The Voice Behind The Apology
That time where I realized that if I truly wanted to lead like Jesus, I would have to pay the cost of acceptance, friends, status, authority, reputation, and so much more…
That time that I prayed for God to open a door for me to share my story to be used to help someone with his or her story and he flew it wide open…
That time where I realized that I numbed my emotions for the past couple of years…
That time where the Lord spoke clearly to me through the movie “Wonder”…
That time where I realized I want to use my past experiences to help shape the lives of high school girls…
The last couple of months have brought so much growth, pain, and joy through these impactful experiences and others just like it.
Four months ago, I packed up my belongings and moved 701 miles away from home. The thing is, I was supposed to bring you along with me on this journey. I invited you to come alongside me and share the good and bad with you.
I’m so sorry. Sorry for not being open with where I’m at. Sorry for not sharing just a small piece of the journey with you. Sorry for leaving you high and dry for the past four months.
The truth is, I’ve tried to blog several times since being down here. Something big would happen and I would want to share it with you. But as soon as I sat down to write, the words went away. Everything that I wanted to say could not be formed into phrases.
And I let that get the best of me. I started to believe that I needed to say things perfectly [yes, I’m a wing 1 on the enneagram] and if they weren’t said perfectly, then they didn’t need to be said.
Satan, get behind me now!
I am the only one who thinks like me and I am the only one who sees things the way I do.
I carry so much in my voice and if I don’t share it, it’s only going to deprive others and myself. I’m not allowing God to speak through me. I’m not sharing the insight that He has given me.
Now I’m not an expert at this yet but it’s something that I’m trying to work on every day.
Some days, it’s not going to be easy to open my mouth or type out the words. Some days, the hard things are going to need to be voiced.
But the process of finding the voice that God gave me is going to be worth it.
So I just want to thank you for continuing this journey with me while I find my imperfect yet beautiful voice.
